We stepped outside the building, and the cool spring evening instantly swept across our cheeks, reminding us that we selfishly spent the entire day inside the confines of classrooms. My two Model United Nations Club officers, Farheena and Zannatul, hung by my side as we walked towards the parking garage. The three of us debated over where to eat, our Friday night ritual. I had mentored the girls for three years and denied the fact they would soon graduate, and this weekend tradition would be part of our past. With the girls in tow, I drove out the back of the garage and immediately saw Ian: sitting, back against the wall, right leg stretched out in front of him, long board clutched against his tall, thin body. His beautiful black skin juxtaposed the ugly grey cement. His head leaned back, and he looked up at the light blue sky through his square plastic glasses, a pair that resembled mine. Motionless, a statue.
“Should we stop? Think he’s okay?” implored Zannatul, worried about her classmate.
“He’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders,” I remarked to both Zannatul and Farheena. “We should probably let him continue his meditation.” I regretted these words even as I uttered them. Maybe I should have invited him to dinner. Would that have changed his fate? I drove off and left Ian behind, not waving hello or goodbye.
That weekend, Ian walked into the woods with noose in hand. He knew all the twisted paths of the trail that sat in the middle of our city. It’s where kids escaped, hung out, and got high. He found a sturdy tree off the beaten route, waited until dusk, and then hung himself. I have often wondered about his final moments. Did his wide, joyful smile spread across his face, satisfied with his decision? Did his hands cover his eyes, dreading the pain he would soon endure? Did he think about his mother – his only parent of an only child – and wonder what her life would be like without him?
I taught Ian during his junior year. I sensed he suffered from depression even before the school psychologist told me. Instead of doing work in my class, he furiously wrote in his brown tattered leather journal, pages overflowing with his poetry, his short stories, and his reflections on the world. I didn’t fight him to do work, but I often voiced my scripted teacher line: “You have so much potential. I know you can do better than this.” But when he would linger after school, he would tell me how he was really feeling: shitty. “I feel so much pressure from school and Mom,” he would say as he looked down at his beat up sneakers. “I don’t know what to do to feel better. Skateboarding helps sometimes.” I would listen as I sat back in my comfortable black chair at my desk while he perched on my stool next to me. I wish I could have done more.
Ian’s depression, interestingly, did not damper his dating life. He was the mack! In fact, his mysterious aloofness fascinated younger white girls who were desperate to save Ian from his inner turmoil. At his memorial service, five of his ex-girlfriends praised Ian’s kindness, altruism, and heart. I laughed uncontrollably as yet another fifteen year old girl testified to how much she loved Ian. “Are you hearing this!” I whispered into the air as I arched my neck back and looked towards the sky through my square plastic glasses.
Ian was not receiving treatment for his depression at the time of his death. His counselor and social worker knew of Ian’s diagnosis and regularly touched base with him, but there is only so much two professionals can do, especially in a public school that houses 4,000 students. Maybe if Ian had been in therapy, maybe if Ian had been on medication, maybe he would still be here.
The longer I teach, though, the more I have observed that many of my white students take advantage of mental health resources at our school but rarely do my students of color do the same. This disparity is disheartening. Dr. Tricia Rose, a professor of Africana Studies at Brown University, stated that “race and ethnicity, as well as structural racism and inequality, saturate every aspect of every human being’s life in the United States…Young people of color are particularly at risk…for not being understood about these challenges” (Vabren). Rose is clear in that systemic racism results in “issues that many students of color face throughout their academic careers, including isolation, self-doubt, and the feeling of not belonging” (Vabren). This means that students of color suffering from mental illness may be suffering that much more because of the engrained racism they endure. Stephanie Bell-Rose, sister of Dr. Tricia Rose, lost her son to suicide in February of 2014, and now serves on mental health symposiums as a means of preventing another loss. She said that, “when doing our research on the population of young people…it was clear that young people of color were very much underserved” (Vabren).
Why are youth of color suffering from mental illness but not seeking out treatment? Is it because of the systemic racism that Dr. Rose discusses? The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention found that “Blacks who reported suicidal thoughts or attempts were less likely than Whites to seek or receive psychiatric services.” There may be several reasons why some youth of color are not actively seeking mental health assistance. The International Journal of Psychiatry in Medicine published a study conducted by the University of Michigan and Indiana University; it recorded “data from 1993-2007 and found that Caucasians are more than one-and-one-half times more likely to be prescribed antidepressants than Hispanic[s] or African Americans…when receiving treatment for depression” (Friedel). Dr. Lin, author of this study, stated that “certain cultural attitudes…language barriers and religious beliefs” may be the specific obstacles that prevent individuals from attaining treatment (Friedel). If a parent truly believes the child can be cured through prayer or feels insecure taking the child to a professional who only speaks English, mental health will never be an option. So, what do we do? How can mental health become more accessible to students of color?
First, there needs to be more diverse professionals within the mental health field. “Between 1999 and 2006, professionals from ethnic minority groups increased from 17.6% to 21.4% in psychiatry, from 8.2% to 12.9% in social work, and from 6.6% to 7.8% in psychology” (Goebert). These statistics are not ideal, but they do indicate change in the mental health profession, one that is moving to a more accurate representation of our country’s population. Psychologists are also being trained in cultural tailoring, “interventions tailored to address barriers of existing practices may improve care and patient outcomes” (Goebert). In other words, some mental health professionals are specifically reflecting on and reevaluating how they treat all patients to best meet individual needs. Even though there is positive change happening within the profession to best care for mental health patients of color, we are still losing students of color to suicide.
I think of Ian every day as I leave work out the back of the garage. I envision him sitting on the cement, back against the wall, just as I saw him that spring day years ago. I am reminded of how I failed him, how the school failed him, how mental health care failed him, and how society failed him. If alive today, Ian would be entering his sixth year in the Navy, anxious to get out and start college full time, perhaps majoring in English. Maybe Ian would have been the writer he was in my class, writing brilliant prose and beautiful poetry – imagining a better life for himself.
Works Cited
American Suicide for Prevention. “Understanding Suicide: Facts and Figures.” 28 June 2015. Web. 2015.
Friedel, Jessica. “Does Race Matter When It Comes to Treating Depression?” National Alliance on Mental Illness. 28 June 2015. Web. 2015.
Goebert, Deborah. “Cultural Disparities in Mental Health Care: Closing the Gap.” Psychiatric Times.28 June 2015. Web. 1 August 2014.
Vabren, Watts. “Symposium Addresses Mental Health of Ethnic Minority College Students.” Psychiatric News. 29 June 2015. Web. 3 November 2014.